The Waiting

Well the past few days haven't been the best for me.  Ive been really stressed and quiet and to my own.  This possibility about this operation has really got to me. I think the biggest thing is that I'm not really a fan of hospitals and needles etc never have been, and that stuff kinda scares me. On the other hand this time out has made me realize that maybe its not such a big deal. Its only a small one, 25 or 30 minutes. I just don't like the idea of me being anything less than whole, and the way I was created.

So after 5 days of waiting to hear when I would see the surgeon, tomorrow I have to get out of bed WAY earlier than I have been and get myself to Rosebank Clinic where I will be examined by the surgeon to find out if I will indeed need to have it done. Truth be told, I believe that I don't need it and that I will be fine. I'm trying to be positive and I know that If I would hard enough to strengthen it and the surrounding areas and muscles that I can and will be fine. 

I think my biggest fear is that taking this month and NOT having the op done and then getting to start training again and then I hurt myself again cause its not healed properly and then get told I need to go for the dam operation. That would mean a MONTH out of action to heal and another 2 or 3 weeks to get to standard fitness level. But on the other hand, what if I go for this op and then discover I never needed to put myself through it after all. That I could have been fine. Its torture. Absolute torture.

Last night something positive DID click in my head. I need to set my goals for this season. My life goals and career goals. I'm gonna write them all down, give them a time period and then a methodology of HOW I'm gonna reach them. A plan. A Master Plan. Breaking it down, month by month, into week by week and day by day. Weekly goals, building towards monthly goals building towards the dream...of which when its down on paper is no longer just a dream...It becomes a GOAL :) 

Ive been working my entire life towards my goal, the 2010 World Cup. Its been my dream, but at last I'm at the final hurdle. I feel like when I was young and partaking in the 100m dash at school athletic competitions. I go into stance, set up my feet comfortably, life my head...my eyes are only focused on one thing. I have tunnel vision. I don't hear anything. My concentration is laser beam like. Only one thing in this world exists. The distance between me and the finish line. In the zone. Nothing else matters. Each second passes and feels like an eternity. All senses are on point. My entire being geared towards just. one. second. ON YOUR MARKS!. I can feel my heart beating. Its the only thing I can hear. GET SET! My senses sharpen. Time freezes. In that moment, nothing exists, existed or ever will exist. The moment is pure, undiluted. Metaphysical.

GO!

I have adopted the attitude that for the next 6 months I will live like I have been told that I have only 6 months left to live. 6 months left to enjoy full health and then I will drop dead the next day. Urgency. Don't underestimate its power in life. Its often the thing that holds us back from achieving our real goals and dreams. We call victim to procrastination. Always thinking that tomorrow will be there for us to do it, and then tomorrow after that. We take each day for granted, that the sun will come up and it will set later. This is why, I'm going to live like I only have 6 months to live. I could have 40 or 60 years, I could have much less but I don't want to go through life as a passenger any longer. I want to contribute something. To something larger than myself. Enough thinking, thinking thinking.....I have to start DOING DOING DOING.

Seems we as human beings always want to wait for the right time to do something, to get something done. Words to the wise...there IS NOT and WONT EVER be a right time. The time will never be better than it is RIGHT NOW. And yet we seem to waste so much of our time waiting...when we could be DOING and achieving and contributing to the joy and happiness of our lives. Time is the only thing we can get back. I for one am gonna start spending it more wisely.

Laters. We will see what tomorrow will bring.

Dream Chaser.

Dream Chaser

I'm gonna be updating the blog in the next few days giving a post mortem of the season now that its come to an end, but here already I'm looking towards next season. I have found my theme song for the next 12 months of my life which will prove to me the defining year of my life. And Im ready. This is it, there is no time to hold anything back, its now or never Im ready to go the distance. These lyrics from Michael Bolton's song "Go the distance" have ignited me into another gear and this will be my anthem for the coming period of my life.

Someone once wrote that the difference between the also rans and a champion is that the champion is able to find and give that extra 1% of effort. He might have to dig deep for it, it might come at great personal sacrifice, but the fact that he has the strength, desire and will to do it, to see it through and go that extra mile...to ultimately "Go the distance" is what makes that gigantic difference.

This is my personal blog, I dont even know if anyone reads it or even cares, tho this blog is for me to plot my goals, share my thoughts and tell my story, as I see it through my eyes. This is real, I am real and I have nothing to be ashamed of or hide. I want to live my dreams.  I want to be the best I can be. And now Im putting courage into action to prove to others that you CAN make your dreams happen, despite all the hardships, the setbacks and whatever else comes your way...that if you want it enough and devote yourself to it with all your heart, mind and soul...that you can reach it. Dreams do come true. Its in your hands. But it all starts with the courage to dream.  Do you have the courage?

Only you can answer that question for yourself. And if the answer is no, then ask yourself why are you stopping yourself from going after what you want in life and making your short time on this earth worthwhile, meaningful and above all, joyfull.  The purpose of life is a life of purpose, and the meaning of life is a life of meaning. Its THAT simple. Its so simple that it seems to be beyond the comprehension of most people on this earth. Truth is found in simplicity. The secret of life is no secret. Its something that is in front of your nose, the elusive obvious. So obvious we look past it and spend our entire lives searching for it, while we had it in our hands all along. Silly hey.

I hope you can take something from these inspirational lyrics below.

signing off

Dream Chaser

I have often dreamed, of a far off place,
Where a hero's welcome, would be waiting for me,
Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face,
And a voice keeps saying, "this is where I'm meant to be."

I'll be there someday, I can go the distance
I will find my way, if I can be strong,
I'll know every mile, will be worth my while,
When I go the distance I'll be right where I belong.

Coming Down the road, to embrace my fate
all that road may wander, it will lead me to Him,
And a thousand years, would be worth the wait
It might take a lifetime, but somehow I'll see it through.

And I won't look back, I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track, no, I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope, but I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance, and my journey is complete

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart

Like a shooting star, I will go the distance
I will search the world, I will face its harms
I don't care how far, I can go the distance
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms

I will search the world, I will face its harms,
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms 

Grade 2 Tear of the Adductor

SO HERE I AM.  It takes me seriously getting injured before I find the time for a new blog post. lol. I guess on some levels Ive had so much to say and on others had nothing to say at all. We get like that sometimes, caught up in life and rarely take time to reflect on the good and bad things that occur in our lives and put them into perspective and I think this is an important tool. You dont know where youre going until you know where you have been.

On the whole, life has been very generous to me this year.  Im starting to feel at home and like the constant struggle to move forward is slowly abating and life is giving me some space to breathe and take it in, and most of all enjoy it. Do we get so busy and caught up in the daily grind of our lives that we fail to stop and smell the roses along the way and appreciate the grace that has been shown to us. I believe not enough. Being thankful and practicing appreciation I believe is something that allows us to connect with a very important part of our being.  Its almost like it connects to the core of who we are and puts us in direct communication with ourselfs, the deepest, rawest, purest, egoless, truest part of ourself. Somehow

 we seem to lose touch with this part of ourselves and whats important to us.

Here I am sitting at my comp typing this and looking down at my injured leg...well...a grade 2 tear in my adductor muscle to be exact. lol. It happened by mearly overstretching for the ball in a light training session. Ive been kicked to pieces by defenders, bashed, smashed, elbowed...everything and not been hurt...and here I simply overstretch and somehow manage to put myself out for  month...with their being 2 months left in our season. Worst thing is that I was just starting to reach my goal of playing more regularly and I even got to start 2 games. One was a Nedbank cup game and the other was a league game against Platinum Stars, where we lost 2-1 but I managed to score. I was very happy to score in my first start in years, but at the same time if I was offered to trade my goal for the team ending the game as winners, I would have done so without giving it a second thought, because I am part of a team and while that might not mean as much to some other professionals out there, it means the world to me to be part of something meaningful and special. 

Over all, Im pretty happy with my season and how I went about working towards my goals. For my first seasons back in 2 years, I have played in close on 75% of the games, mostly as a substitute, but I have started a game too and that was one of my major goals. I have 3 goals so far...in a playing time that totals around3 or 4 games (1 x 90 min + other sub minutes on the field added up) so I have done my best to use the chances I have been given and while Im always hungry to do better and work harder, I can honestly say that I am pretty satisfied so far. Ive sweated blood and tears to get to this point...from a slow start to the season...to being put on the transfer list in December to working my way into the starting line up and scoring. I faced every challenge with as much venom and courage as I could find. I guess I realized that it is and was in my hands at all times...my destiny. I also reminded myself that I would have to sit behind a desk, wearing long pants, uncomfortable shoes, collard shirt and tie...and work 9-5 doing something I dont enjoy. Trust me...that was enough motivation in itself :) 

So here I am, injured....BUT...its not over...I dont have to have an operation...It could have been worse. I CHOOSE to be positive and always look on the bright side. Now there are some lessons somewhere in this event that I have to find...so Im off now :)

Life. lol.

Shaun

The goal that took 2 years to score!!!

I just started a Facebook page :) All I can say is wow! I am really speechless at the amazing show of support and fantastic words of encouragement that Ive received from everyone. Makes me realize just how truly blessed I really am.

Its been an amazing week so far, but I'm not gonna rest on my laurels and keep working hard. I have plenty of peeps to keep me in check and make sure that I never step out of line or take this wonderful second chance for granted, or for anything else but just what it is, a true gift.

I will be updating the page and sharing the latest relevant photos and news articles from the various soccer websites and other media, as well as news on upcoming games and video clips of any goals and action that get up to. My intention of this page is to keep those posted who would like to follow my progress throughout the season and show their support.

Copy and paste this addy into a new browser window:

http://www.new.facebook.com/pages/Shaun-Haschick/28961450813

Anyways....to the latest post!

I swear this week was so important to me. Since I arrived here at Moroka Swallows Ive been under a bit of pressure. Pressure from others, but mostly from myself. It hasn't been easy getting back into the swing of things and the natural ups and downs of everyday life are experienced by everyone. As a saying I once read goes..."Professional sportsmen are ordinary people who are extraordinary on weekends." and trust me this holds true.

The week before this I found myself in a nightmare. Every ball that would arrive at my feet would bounce and bobble away and for the life of me nothing I did on the field would come off at all. If I had stepped out of my body an watched myself I could have sworn I'd have learned to kick a soccer ball the day before. Terrible! lol. My confidence plummeted. I found myself questioning whether I am actually any good. Is this what I'm really meant to be doing. Am I good enough to be here on the same field as these other guys or am I just kidding myself?

Doubt set in. I'm sure that everyone has been through a stage in their lives where things just wouldn't go your way. Your mind starts working overtime trying to find reasons why or make excuses to sooth the fragile human ego. Where did the belief go? Where is the confidence? And that C word is once that is thrown about very often but not totally understood. Since we were young and in every part of life we were told to be confident. But no one ever told us how! Its like something we should have just assimilated or sucked out of thin air. Something tangible. Easier said then done huh.

In professional sport, confidence is everything. Its the difference between performing and excelling and not performing at all. Just as in life, our confidence and self belief is what determines the quality of the lives we live. Lets look a little deeper. Take a pretty girl who has been getting compliments her entire life, people treat her well and guys give her more attention than she cares for. She starts to build her entire identity around what she looks like. She places all her self worth in it. If shes having a bad hair day or gets a blemish she will feel terrible and not even want to venture out of the house or see anyone. Its the same thing with a guy for example who is wealthy. If his ego takes a little bit of a bump and he feels hes been made less of a person in anyway, he would subconsciously remind himself that, "Hey, Ive got more money than you, therefore I have value.". The same thing with the pretty girl. If she was put in a situation whereby she was made to feel less of a person, she would just say to herself "ah, I don't care, whatever you say...Im way prettier than you!"

This all goes to show where and what people "root" their confidence on. The average person will "root" their confidence on something external of value like money, clothes, what care they drive etc. When people step out of the shade and begin to "root" their confidence on who they are inside as people and the wonderful value they can bring into others lives, thats where the true magic of confidence lies. It doesn't matter if you walk with a limp, have a permanent bad hair day or whatever. None of that stuff matters. Yet as people we always tend to focus on the negative and not enough on the positive. This whole example can be very clearly illustrated by the Bible parable about the two men who built their respective homes of which one was on the rock and the other on the sand and the consequences of each during the rain and storm (aka our challenges in life aka the bad days) Rock stood firm, sand washed away. Nuff said.

So now I bet you're asking...so then where do I find something to root my confidence in and not on. My advice is open your eyes because they are right under your nose. Your family for one. I know that personally my family and close friends are more important to me than life itself. I'm sure for most of you its the same. You are kind, generous, loving, compassionate, giving, passionate! When you're feeling like things aren't going your way, take some time out to simplify everything around you and just count your blessings. Thats right, list all the reasons you have to be thankful for. I promise that at the end of it your blessings will dwarf the negative 100 times over and make you ponder why you wasted any energy on it at all.

So, after that nightmare week I sat down one night and counted my blessings. With my faith in myself renewed I was prepared to take the next week head-on and not let anything get in the way of me enjoying it as much as I could and making every moment count. I had a great week which culminated in me making my Swallows debut by coming on as a substitute for the last 10 minutes, and scoring my debut goal. A moment that I had waited so long for and at times questioned if I would ever experience again. Words deserted me. I just smiled and took it all in while letting the purest of emotions embrace me. True joy. lol. Its addictive.

So peeps, this post caps off a great week for me and I'm looking forward with clear eyes and a full heart to our next game, of which the stage set can not get bigger. The mighty Kaizer Chiefs at home and a packed stadium of supporters ready to either crown you or tear you apart limb from limb. I for one am relishing the challenge.

Take care, and remember..Clear eyes, full hearts...can't lose.

Shaun

"Vindicated" - The journey of 1000 steps begins with One

And what a day it was. One that I have waited over 2 years to arrive. The road up to this point was littered full of struggle and heartbreak but these events had only made me stronger and more determined than ever before.

Everyone in life has his or her own demons to face, and more often than not its often these very demons that we have to confront and conquer in order to allow ourselves to take steps forward in this life. I once came to a realization, and these words will hold true for most who have heard them, and for those about to hear them for the first time. There can be no growth without pain. Read those simple words carefully, over and over again until the severe simplicity of its sense strikes at the very heart of you.

There I was, standing in the dressing room with clear eyes and a full heart clutching something I had almost given up the hope of ever holding or laying my eyes on again. A match jersey. Some will say,oh well, its just a match jersey, made from simple material and pretty common, but this one was different. The jersey I held up with outstretched arms was something so much more than that. It represented my past, present and future all rolled into one and the opportunity to once again put myself to the test against the very best soccer players in the country. Clenching the jersey tightly, the site of HASCHICK 18 starred back at me.

I took a few minutes to take in the moment. This day had finally dawned and I wanted to savor it. This was the culmination of my efforts over the past year and a half. This was not about me. This was about the right to represent my family, my friends and the people that had always supported me throughout the good times and bad. In that moment, I was so humbled, so grateful, so...overwhelmed.

Eastern philosophy and even the Bible points to the old adages of "Ask and it is given", "Seek and Ye Shall Find" and modern wisdom says..."You cant win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket!". All of these pearls of wisdom have rung true since they each came into existence and long before. You can set goals in your life, you can employ positive thinking aka "The Secret", but the elusive obvious truth is that if you don't make a pro-active effort to work towards your goals and give yourself the opportunity for the right doors to open towards them, you will never ever have a chance of attaining what your heart desires. If what your heart truly wants is shared with your what your mind wants and your body acts upon that, then there can be nothing in this world that can stop you from achieving what you want, no matter the obstacles or challenges you will face. Its easy to fool the mind into thinking that you want something, its much harder to fool the heart and its desire, and without taking purposeful action, there is little chance of ever realizing and goal or dream or desire.

I started the game on the bench. The game was against the defending league champions, Supersport United. Welcome back Shaun, there is no such thing as an easy game at the top level my friend. Watching the action brought sudden flashbacks and memories of yesteryear. Half time. I said a little prayer with the hopes of entertaining my thirst for action. Would I still know what to do with the ball when I got it? Would I be able to keep up with the pace? Would the supporters Boo me if I fluffed a pass or chance at goal? The internal dialog halted after.... "Shut up Shaun. Lol. Stop Over thinking, you've done this a thousand times before so just relax and enjoy it!" I put the little voice in my head to bed and cleared my thoughts to become more present, all the time holding onto the only one that mattered. How much I love the game of soccer.

The time was now. My time. I strapped on my shin guards, tucked in my jersey and made my way to the touchline. The whistle blew. Change. Taking my first step onto the field I looked to the heavens and uttered a soft "Thank you" from under my breath. I had done it.

I only got 10 minutes of game time in this outing, and we lost 2-1 in the end but I will never forget this day. The day I got a second chance to follow my dreams. This time I'm ready for anything and I'm gonna make every second count. The hard work has just begun. But I don't mind. No pain no gain right? Yep.

:)